Baby Loss

Have you experienced the tragic death of a baby during pregnancy or as a newborn? Has someone you love experienced the tragic death of a baby during pregnancy or as a newborn? Do you know that beginning in 2003, October 15 has been designated as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day? Do you know that October 15 is also known as The International Wave of Light? On October 15 of each year, bereaved families and those who love them light a candle at 7 PM and leave it burning for one hour. This creates a wave of light that travels around the world for 24 hours in memory and honor of beloved babies who aren’t in their loved one’s arms but are never far from their hearts. If you have experienced the death of a baby or if you love someone who has, we invite you to light a candle on Tuesday, October 15 at 7 PM. We also invite you to share a photo of your burning candle on social media using the hashtags #SHAREWOL24 or #WOL24. We look forward to seeing how you remember and honor the…

October - Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month

Fall…this one word can bring to mind many different things…piles of crunchy leaves, apple pie, football, cozy sweaters and evenings around the fire. Many people greet fall with open arms and welcome the change of season. However, when you are a parent grieving the death of your baby, the change of seasons can be difficult because it can feel as if time is marching on, while for you, life has come to a standstill. Summer giving way to fall can be an especially challenging time as we head into the colder season of shorter days and times centered around children, such as back to school and Halloween.

Glimmers of Hope

One of the things most people do not “get” about why losing a baby is so hard is because they don’t understand that you lost the future you had planned with your child as he or she grew up. They don’t understand that you will most likely yearn for your child at all different phases of life. We all want the too-short lives of our babies to mean something, and following are some ways you can find hope after your devastating loss, whether your loss was recent or long ago. Some of these may seem a bit awkward or unnatural at first, but once you find even a few ways to make your baby an important part of your life, it will soon feel natural. Try not to feel overwhelmed, and don’t feel guilty if you are not ready to do any of these things yet. *Talk about your baby, say your baby’s name. Share his or her story whenever you feel comfortable. *Make something in honor of your baby. Creating a shadow box, crocheting a blanket or planning a memorial garden can be healing and keep your…

Words that Heal: Journaling your way through healing and hope

People often feel intimidated by the thought of journaling because they think they are not good writers. Perhaps they have bad memories of papers and English classes with red pen marks pointing out every mistake. But journaling is not about “good” writing. Or grammar. Or punctuation. Or spelling. Or any of that. Simply put, it’s about putting the thoughts in your head onto paper. Doing so helps you process and make some sense of them. In short, you are doing it for you, not for anyone else to read and critique.

Reminders

Reminders you may need right now

Hiking

Share Walk for Remembrance & Hope

The Comfort Room

We know the intense grief after losing your baby is overwhelming. On the days that you feel like the pain is just too much, or you need an hour to yourself, or you want to honor a significant day for your baby, we invite you to sit in our comfort room. This is a private room where you can grieve without shame and acknowledge your sadness and suffering, or relax in the massage chair, listen to music, sit quietly, or get support from a Share Staff member. If you live in the St. Louis area, we would love to have you. Go to the menu on the left side to make an appointment, and we will give you a comforting place to grieve and send you home with a care package. The Comfort Room is located at 1600 Heritage Landing Suite 109, St. Peters, MO 63033.

Let's be honest

Let's be honest: when you are grieving, you probably really don't want to exercise. One of the known side effects of grief is a lack of motivation to do almost everything. However, when life seems bleak and unbearable, a release of endorphins can be a really good thing! You don't have to run a full marathon to feel the effects. We all want to be that person who says "I had such a bad day, I'm going to go for a run." If you are not that person and you are finding it hard to find the motivation, try signing up for a short run in memory of your baby. There are runs all over the country that you can find with a simple Google search. Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support is holding a 5K in March in St. Louis if you are in the area.

Surviving Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is a day for family, food, football, and celebration. So how do you get through it without your baby? It takes courage to get through a holiday, so if you aren't feeling courageous, then skip it. But if you’re worried about being sad while others are happy and celebrating, don’t let that stop you. Nobody expects you to be the life of the party; they’re just glad you took the steps to show up. There is no way to prevent holidays from coming. As difficult as holidays are, you will have to experience them at some point. Sometimes we see these days coming, and the lead-up days are harder than the day itself. Unfortunately, these days are part of the way forward through grief.

Drink Water

Drink water! Staying hydrated during high-stress times is important. Grieving people can easily become dehydrated. Your body needs extra liquids during this time to maintain balance.

Boxing Therapy

Over the weekend, some of us spent time at a local gym to participate in boxing therapy. We walked away with sore muscles and improved moods. We learned about self-care and the impact exercise has on mental health. Boxing is particularly effective as a stress reliever for several reasons: It helps your brain increase its production of endorphins and works muscles in the neck and shoulders, where stress tends to build.

Play-Doh

Playing with Play Doh may seem like it’s for kids but squishing it around can help calm tension and improve your focus. It’s also fun to make, and there are many different recipes out there. Here are a couple to try.

Guilt

Do you feel guilty? Guilt and grief are such a powerful combination. Guilt is a normal feeling of grief. So many loss parents feel guilty for feeling joy or having fun. The shame of feeling something other than sadness might make us feel even more guilty. If you are getting a moment or an hour where you are feeling good, do everything you can to embrace it. You aren't being punished for anything and it is not your fault. I will say it again, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You might be thinking "what if" I had done something different? Get rid of those thoughts and know that you did nothing to deserve this terrible tragedy. For today, try to laugh and feel joy because it is okay to feel good.

Music

After my loss, I spent about 6 months listening to sad music . In the shower, in the car, on walks, every chance I got. I thought it made me feel better. For today, listen to happy music, then you can go back to sad if that is what you want to do. Here is a playlist to get you started:

Avocado Toast

You can't get any easier than this! Food can play a very big and powerful role in healing ourselves both physically and emotionally.

I am Forever Changed

There's beauty in the most ugliest and unexpected places, you just have to look for it. When you've had a significant loss, it is hard to see beauty anywhere. Just for today, look for all of the beautiful things around you.

If Today is Hard...

Some days are just extra hard and heartbreaking when you are grieving. When you are in the midst of such days, relief can seem far away. For today, if you are having a hard day, be gentle with yourself. Find a way to slow down and do something that you enjoy. Relax outside and listen to the birds sing. Go for a slow walk or simply sit and listen to music that soothes you. The world around you doesn't stop for your grief so you must. You may be busy at work or have too many household chores, but you are allowed to grieve even if a significant amount of time has passed. Grief will hijack your heart at the worst moments. If only for ten minutes, do something to soothe your soul.

Raise Awareness

I'm so sorry...

When months go by and no one says your baby’s name and you are saying it every day, I am so sorry. On the days when people tell you to move on, I am so sorry. I am so sorry that this tragedy can't be undone. I am so sorry that there is a certain melancholy that will always live inside of you. I am so sorry this is part of your life now. Please know that you are not betraying your precious baby by living your life to the fullest. We love you. You are not alone.

Grief and Every Day Life

If the only thing you did today was get out of bed and survive, that is okay! We have always called the grief experience a roller coaster ride with blindfolds. Often your partner may not be in the same hill or valley as you. The lows are very low and sometimes one may not know when those will hit. Somedays, the peaks or highs are there too, and good. Of course, your baby’s death affected you and your spouse or partner the most, but he/she touched and affected your family, friends, co-workers, church members, community, and even acquaintances. Babies are not supposed to die and when they do, people are saddened and overwhelmed. Dealing with your own feelings is complicated enough. Seeing others grieve can sometimes be difficult, as you may not have the energy to deal with their issues. On the other hand, sharing your grief may be comforting. The other issue one may deal with is even though others are hurting for you, they seem to move on with their daily lives when…

Feeling Okay

Grief has been described as a rollercoaster. Some days you may feel on top of the hill, ready to take on whatever needs to be done, while other days you may have a hard time getting out of bed. Both things, and everything in between, are okay! Think about what being okay means for you. And know that wherever you are, it really is okay.

Sometimes You Need an Adventure

When we have experienced such a great loss, we often want to hibernate at home where we feel safe and comforted. But getting away, even if just for the day, can be cleansing and healing. Allow yourself to plan a getaway. Some grieving parents want to be in a quiet place while others may want to go to a busy crowded destination. Give yourself permission to enjoy visiting a place that will bring you some moments of peace.