The holidays are over, and you may be breathing a huge sigh of relief that you made it through those stressful days. Now it is a new year, a fresh start, and some grieving parents find the beginning of a new year just as difficult as the holiday season. It isn’t always easy in the best of times getting through the long, dreary winter, and when you are grieving, winter can seem endless. During the shorter, darker days of winter, it may seem as if spring will never arrive, just as you may feel as if the darkness in your heart will never ease. It may seem next to impossible to feel hopeful during the long winter months. Amid grief, just as in the midst of a frigid, icy winter, it can take a great deal of effort to appreciate or find even the most minuscule things to enjoy. Yet if you do make the effort, you will probably find small yet lovely things all around you. We challenge you to take a few moments each day to seek out something that will bring you some happiness, make you smile, or make you feel grateful. Whether it is noticing an early spring breeze blowing through your open window, taking a slower-paced route home from work, or simply looking at something you see every day with “new” eyes, it can help heal your broken heart to focus on something pleasant each day, even if it is only for a few moments. It can also be helpful to write these things down each day in a Joy Journal; you will then have a permanent record of how far you have come months or years down the road. Think of a few small things you enjoy and make a list of them to refer to in the coming months when you need a pick-me-up:
• Cuddle with a pet.
• Enjoy a cup of hot chocolate by the fire.
• Bundle up and take a short walk
• On a snowy day, re-discover the joy of lying in the snow and making snow angels…write your baby’s name in the snow next to it, take a picture, and make it your phone’s background photo.
• Look on the internet or buy a book or magazine and start planning a garden in memory of your baby that you can create in the spring.
• While you may not feel much like socializing, try to take some time each week to spend with a close friend or family member who has been kind and supportive to you.
• Bake some cookies or bread and take them to a friend, neighbor, or even your doctor’s office. Begin a special scrapbook or photo album honoring your baby.
The ideas are endless; the key is finding small things you enjoy doing and turning to those things on days when your spirit may need a lift. While it may be sad leaving the old year behind, you may at the same time be looking forward to embracing a new year full of hope, promise, and new beginnings. Whatever you are feeling right now is right for YOU. There is no right or wrong way to approach any new milestone you encounter. The most important things are to honor and acknowledge whatever feelings you may be having and to do whatever you need to do to nourish your body, mind, and spirit during the long winter months. And try to remember that spring always follows even the longest and darkest of winters.