Reminders you may need right now

Whatever you are feeling, it is normal!
Grief tends to make you think that all the emotions you experience are wrong. They aren’t! You may be feeling everything from depression to fear to jealousy, even relief. None of them are wrong, and they are all to be expected. So be kind to yourself and don’t beat yourself up for how you are feeling.

It’s okay to take care of yourself.
Self-care is different for everyone, but taking care of your needs, whatever those may be, is not selfish. However, make sure that you are not indulging too much in things that are unhealthy. Self-care may mean seeking help from a grief therapist, and that is okay, too. Maybe even necessary. Attending a support group is also helpful. Share offers online groups you can attend no matter where you live.

There is nothing wrong with saying no to social events.
When you are feeling broken, it can be impossible to feel up to celebrating holidays or other occasions, even when they involve people you love. It’s okay to turn down invitations but try not to isolate yourself too much. While it is okay to say no, try to say yes to friends and family who are good for your soul for smaller things, such as meeting for coffee or a walk in a park. You may need to distance yourself from some people right now. While you do need social support when you are grieving, it’s okay to be choosy about who you spend your precious time with. If someone has proven themselves to not be supportive of you and what you need right now, it’s okay to limit your time with them. Surround yourself with those who do care about you, your baby, and what you are going through.

Finding a creative outlet can be helpful.
Using your hands to make a keepsake in memory of your baby not only keeps your hands busy, but research shows that doing something creative lowers stress, blood pressure, and contributes to a sense of well-being. If you don’t have the energy to make something, try setting up a shelf or other area in your home to display your baby’s photos and other treasures.

Talking about your baby and telling your story can be healing.
It’s not always easy to share your heart and stories, but doing so can bring unexpected benefits. If someone genuinely wants to hear about your baby, share away! You will be giving them a gift, and it will bring you some peace to share. It is also okay though to not share with everyone. Do whatever you feel up to, and don’t feel guilty if you don’t want to share with someone.

Do not feel guilty when you have a good day or moments of joy!
You will slowly begin to re-engage with life, and you will slowly begin to feel moments of contentment and joy. Many bereaved parents feel guilty when having these moments but try not to. Feeling positive does not mean you are forgetting about or don’t love your baby. Most of all, be gentle with yourself and your broken heart. If you are struggling and need help or someone to talk to, we are here for you, so please reach out to us so we can help.

Written by Rose Carlson, Share Program Director